Highly UNmotivated...

I’m sitting here at work, sweating like a pig. That back room is an oven. I’ll probably freeze back there this winter, though.

So, I added some more gadgets, i.e. search engines, to my page to earn more cha-ching. We’ll see how that works. Feel free to use the little search engine over to the right, it’s connected directly to Google. :)

Will someone kick me in the butt? I mean, seriously. The last few days, I’ve had zero motivation. Saturday was the last day I was at the gym, and I did 15 minutes on the treadmill, two sets of reps on two machines, and didn’t even get in the pool. I was just so tired and sore. I know part of the problem is that my B-12 shot is due, and I haven’t been taking my vitamins. (I know, how lazy can you be, right?) Hopefully, Friday, I’ll be able to get my B-12 shot. I didn’t get off in time last Friday. Anyway, today, I’ve had those little cheesy potato rounds at my tea place, and for lunch, I had a 6-piece nuggets and fries. The lunch that Steven packed? Oh, no worries. I ate it, too, a ham and cheese sandwich and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich - for snacks. I have cheese and crackers and Sun Chips here at work. *sigh* I guess I got a little happy that he got paid today, and I get paid tomorrow. I only spent $5, but still, I didn’t have to. I had food to eat. I don’t understand why I do what I do. I don’t understand why I can know how good exercise makes me feel and how good being thinner feels, but I just continue to stumble. Granted, I eat better most of the time, because I try to do South Beach with Steven. I went to Kohl’s at lunch to look for clothes (just to look, Steven, don’t get excited. ;), and first off, things there are not as reasonable as my mom thinks. To me, a deal is $15 for a sweater, not $25 or $30. I’m cheap, I guess. Anyway, their stuff is also two sizes too small. A 3X looked like a friggin’ 14, not a 26/28. Of course, their website states their 3X’s are 24/26. In what world is that a 3X? In what world is a 16/18 a 1X? Kohl’s World, I suppose. But, you’d think the fact that they had nothing to fit me would be a motivator. Nope, I just thought, “There’s always Wal-Mart and Target - comfortable ‘fat’ clothes.” I’m just so unmotivated. I know I’ve been diagnosed as a compulsive overeater, but... I need to finish that book that’s on our shelf, “Why Can’t I Stop Eating?” Maybe it would give me some insight. Maybe some therapy or counseling would be good, but I can’t take any time off work to do that right now. I might look into finding someone who does after hours appointments. We took some of my measurements last night, and I have lost an inch in my hips, so that’s encouraging. My weight’s back up, though. I was down to 351.6, but now I’m back up about five pounds. I guess for every time you fall down, you have to stand up twice, right? Does that make sense? Probably not.

I am encouraged by the fact that I pretty much want to go to the gym tonight. I may only do a few minutes on the treadmill, but maybe, juuuuust maybe, I’ll push myself to do a little more. At least Steven doesn’t push me, he praises me for what I do. I love him. <3